03. I’m Tired of Recidivism
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Anthony Johnston (rapping): The aftermath of my pain
This is a different cycle
Trying to just beat my case, like my name is Michael
Trying to break the cycle even for my kids
Yeah, I refuse to let them live like I used to live
[Music: A spare, steady hip-hop drum beat (“All Gravy” by Matt Large)]
Speech Thomas [VO]: Anthony Johnston is a good kid who just can’t seem to get the chip off his shoulder.
Anthony: It’s time to change, my mind’s insane
so tired living day to day
can’t even walk up to the park
to see my little babies play
the food is trash
the gods are cruel
I should’ve stayed my stupid tail in school
Speech: And during his time at the Richmond City Jail, Anthony’s learning how to cope with the conflicts that always seem to be brewing on the inside.
He’s trying to put his troubles down in rhyme instead of acting out on them like he’s always done in the past.
Anthony: And my priorities in life was wrong and misconstrued
But now I’m a different dude because I got stuff to lose
I wrote the truth so y’all could have something to listen to
Hopefully I get it through all the dreams I didn’t do
I remember being in my cell while I’m
missing you, missing you…
Speech: But he’s had a tough time making progress in his re-entry program.
And with no support network waiting for him on the outside, can he avoid getting trapped in here again?
[Music: Hip-hop drum beat stops]
—
[Music: Theme music plays, consisting of a choir of men snapping and humming with a hip-hop beat underneath their voices]
Speech: From Narratively and VPM: This is Track Change.
I’m Speech Thomas, a musician and part of the hip-hop collective Arrested Development.
And Anthony is one of nearly 2 million people locked behind bars in the United States.
Garland Carr (singing theme): Concrete barriers, cold and gray
Speech: We’re at the Richmond City Jail in Virginia. And I’m here as part of the REAL program — that’s “Recovery from Everyday Addictive Lifestyles.”
Garland: Good Lord, carry my soul away
Speech: REAL’s goal is to help incarcerated people stay sober, and stay free after they’ve been released. And I’m joining the program to work with talented songwriters, singers, and rappers.
We’re recording an album to chronicle their lives as they try to break free of the cycle that’s trapped them.
Garland: Rage and pain, bearing down on me
Been so long since I’ve been free
[Music: Humming and snapping beat fades away]
—
[Sound of Speech and Anthony greeting each other]
Speech (to Anthony): My brother!
Anthony: How you doing, sir?
Speech: I’m doing good, man, how are you?
Speech [VO]: The first time we were supposed to meet, Anthony missed our studio session. He had broken the REAL program rules, and so his privileges were suspended.
Anthony: I got in trouble, man. They weren’t trying to let me back in there, man. I was getting in trouble.
Speech (to Anthony): Yeah, I heard that.
Anthony: My behavior, I got some behavior issues —
Speech: Because I was looking forward to actually —
Anthony: I was too, man —
Speech: — doing more recording and… they changed.
[Music: Steady hip-hop beat with a heavy bass line (“Still Ballin” by Amber Spill)]
Speech [VO]: Anthony originally joined the REAL program to work on his addiction to narcotics – but his love of hip hop drew him to the recording studio.
Speech (to Anthony): Like, I heard two verses and I was like, man, this brother spitting, it reminded me of like, Talib Kweli or something, the way you was flowing, I was like, “Man, this brother’s killing it!”
Anthony: I love music; music has influenced me a lot. And if I would never would’ve got off-course, you know, I might’ve been able to play some instruments or something of that nature, but now all I got is uh, uh, spoken word and a little bit of flow. You know what I mean?
Speech [VO]: Unlike Garland or Teddy, Anthony hasn’t had any experience in a recording studio. But he knows his style, he knows what he wants to do, and he knows what he wants to say.
Anthony: I like Schoolboy Q. I like Nas. I like Kendrick Lamar. I like people that actually are rapping about something.
Speech: Anthony tells me he used to rap about crime and drugs, but he doesn’t want to do that anymore.
Anthony: I got two children. My son is four years old, and my daughter’s two years old and I’m twenty-one. I’m a kid with kids.
Speech (to Anthony): Right, right, right.
Anthony: Can’t deal with it no more, man. I gotta be a father to them.
Speech [VO]: I think it’s important for Anthony to be a good role model to his children…because he never had that with his own parents.
[Music: Hip-hop beat ends with a haunting note]
Speech: His dad was murdered when he was very young. His stepfather was incredibly violent.
And his mom…
Anthony: She dealt with a whole lot of, um, depression issues when it came to alcoholism and, uh, drug abuse.
Like my mom smoked weed so much that I literally thought that was just a thing that human beings do.
Until I got in trouble for it.
[Music: Smooth, electric guitar hook with a mellow hip-hop beat (“Why Did I” by HATAMITSUNAMI)]
Speech: Before he found himself in jail, Anthony sold drugs and took drugs.
He was even unhoused for two years.
He entered the criminal legal system as a teenager. Right now, he’s waiting for a sentence on multiple charges.
Anthony: One charge is grand larceny, the other charge is B and E.
Speech: Breaking and entering.
Anthony: Then I have a credit card larceny. Then I have another grand larceny, so I have four felonies, and the other two misdemeanors are petty larceny and vandalism.
Speech: It’s definitely a no-joke situation for Anthony. But he wants to start fresh, and he says he’s ready to get clean.
[Music: Electric guitar hook ends on a slightly dark note]
Anthony: Intellectually, I’m pretty smart. I’m smart enough to survive – but I’m stupid enough to be in here.
Like, I had the tools, you know what I mean, but I had my priorities misconstrued.
Speech (to Anthony): Right.
Anthony: And then I’m in the REAL Program.
I haven’t gotten in any fights since I’ve been here.
Speech: Right.
Anthony: Which I usually do, and, you know what I mean, hopefully the judge looks at that.
I don’t think I’m going to prison this time.
Speech: Yeah.
Anthony: The last time. I’m never going to come back here again.
Speech: Yeah, I feel you, bro.
[Sounds of pages in a notebook rustling]
Anthony: I can’t sing for real, but I think it’s a song.
Speech [VO]: Down in the studio, Anthony hesitates.
[Sounds of Anthony flipping through pages of paper and stumbling over his words]
Speech: He starts flipping through pages of lyrics he’s written, throwing different ideas at me.
Anthony: I don’t even think it’s a — it goes like, it’s like…
[Anthony begins to sing acapella]
Love is a cliche. Yeah, that’s what they say.
I paid the bills, man, I —
[Anthony stops and sighs in frustration]
It says, it is like this.
[Anthony resumes singing in a soulful tone]
Love is a cliche. Yeah, that’s what they say.
I paid the bills but now I’m broke, and that’s off yesterday’s pay.
I understand that in this land, there are only some that play fair.
Like in the eighties, being Black, and the bus won’t take my fare…
Speech (to Anthony): Nice.
Anthony: And I don’t really know what I was doing right here at the bottom, but that’s like a, that’s like something…
I don’t know what I was doing, man, that day I was just going through it, man. That’s just something, you know what I mean?
Speech: I like it. I like that. That’s nice.
Anthony: That’s just some stress, man. You know what I mean?
Speech [VO]: In the studio with Anthony, I have to make myself smaller, so that he can take up space in the room.
So in working with him, I shrink myself in a sense, to try to lift him up.
Speech (to Anthony): Yeah, that’s right! That’s the best way to do it…
Speech [VO]: And as we keep going, I can see him gaining confidence whenever I compliment him, like, he needs to hear it.
Anthony: And I got another joint, and it’s not finished, but it’s just being locked. It’s like…
How — How it goes?
[Anthony resumes singing]
Being locked down in my cell.
I’m too used to this.
It’s like, man, I’m too used to this…
Look, man, I gotta show you what it sound like on the beat, man. The beat sound hard with it, you know what I mean?
Speech: Anthony loves Future — and I can tell that riffing off of a Future joint that he already knows, and is familiar with, is helping him get way more comfortable.
So now I’m setting him up with a similar rhythm, so he can work on his own lyrics.
Speech (to Anthony): I wanna go ahead and get a beat per minute on that joint, so lemme see…
[Sounds of a metronome creating a loud click that tracks counts one measure at a time for Anthony to follow]
[Speech demonstrates to Anthony how to match the tempo of the click track]
Anthony: Being locked down in my cell
I’m too used to this
Coming back and forth to jail
I’m too used to this
Holding pain behind my eyes
I’m too used to this
Speech: That’s nice, Anthony! That’s hot.
[Sounds of the metronome click track stops]
[Speech demonstrates the chorus being sung with more energy, for Anthony to follow]
Speech: I want you to sing that chorus again.
Anthony: Alright.
Speech: Here it go!
[Music: Powerful drum, bass, and synth tracks drop under Anthony, who sings much more confidently]
Anthony: Coming back and forth to jail
I’m too used to this
Being locked down in my cell
I’m too used to this
Holding pain behind my eyes
I’m too used to this
Telling family members lies
I’m too used to this
[Music: Powerful drum, bass, and synth track ends]
Speech: Nice! That was a killer, you did great!
Yeahhhh, brother. It feels good.
—
[Music: Wistful chord progression on an electric guitar (“Sunglasses” by Timothy Infinite)]
Speech [VO]: Anthony’s battling between two realities.
Part of him is hurt, and it’s obvious. He’s crushed from things that have happened to him and also things that haven’t happened for him — like people that haven’t helped him and things that haven’t gone his way.
So he’s put up this wall of like, “I’m good. I don’t need anybody’s help. I don’t need any of these things.”
[Music: Deep drums and soft bass line accompany the wistful guitar]
Speech: And at the same time, he can recognize and say, “I need all of those things. But, how do I cope with life if they’re not coming to me?”
[Sounds of Sarah speaking sharply to Anthony in the hallway]
Speech: Anthony has gotten three sanctions in one week. He’s been acting up — taking his frustrations out on other members of the program and staff.
Sarah Scarbrough, who runs the REAL program, pulls him into a small room.
She’s making a kind of intervention, which she does whenever Anthony blows off his chores or starts an argument.
She points at another man.
Sarah Scarbrough (to Anthony): Look at him. Look at old man over here.
He didn’t get it right when he was locked up, and so what does that mean?
He’s mid-fifties and back in here.
[Music: Switches from sounding wistful to sounding more upbeat and hopeful]
Speech: Sarah is the program director.
But she’s not just, like, holed up in her office dealing with paperwork and stuff. I mean, she’s often right there on the sixth floor, which is a jail floor dedicated solely to the REAL program.
Sarah’s goal is to give these men a real chance of getting to the root of their behaviors.
And she’s particularly focused on Anthony because he’s the young guy. And Sarah believes that if he can just build some critical skills right now, learn to manage his emotions, then maybe he won’t have to spend the next decade or two in jail.
[Music: Ends with keyboard playing softly]
Sarah: You just said you feel better after you fight. That’s a problem.
Anthony: I know, ma’am.
Sarah: That’s a problem. So, what are you gonna do to get that adrenaline rush, but in a completely different way?
Anthony: I don’t know, because it’s not like that when I’m on the streets. It’s only when I get in here. Since a juvenile —
Sarah: Yeah. But what are you doing in the streets to numb yourself?
Anthony: Getting high!
Sarah: Okay. So you don’t have feelings when you’re high.
Anthony: Yeah. And I just got ’em all back, and it’s just scary. Yeah.
Sarah: Right.
Speech: Sarah’s definitely pushing Anthony, but it’s because she knows that once he’s released, he doesn’t have anybody to give him support on the outside.
So she’s in a race against the clock to help him become more resilient — more able to follow through on what he wants to accomplish.
Sarah: …and so what is underlying the fight?
Anthony: Depression, trauma, mental insecurities, and behavioral issues.
Sarah: What phase are you on?
Anthony: One.
Sarah: How long have you been in this program?
Anthony: A long time.
Speech: The REAL Program has a curriculum. It has four phases.
And the first phase deals with personal reflection, and it goes all the way to the last phase, which is very practical stuff like budgeting and job interviews.
All the men work at their own pace, but Anthony has been in this for quite a while — five months in jail — and he still hasn’t made any progress; he’s still on the first phase.
Sarah: You know the problem. You don’t know how to deal with it. And you are not putting forth the effort to figure it out.
And if you were to get out today or tomorrow, Anthony, I would put money on the fact that you would use within 24 hours. No question.
Because you do not know how to deal with life on life terms. You have got to get through it when you’re here and start dealing with it and learning how to cope with this painful, painful stuff.
Anthony: Aight. I’mma do what I gotta do.
Sarah: Alright, well, go finish your lock-in. I wanna see a chapter of phase work tomorrow.
Anthony: Aight, I got you.
Sarah: Alright.
[Sounds of Sarah getting up to leave]
Anthony: Thank you, Ms. Sarah.
Sarah: You’re welcome.
—
[Sounds of keys jangling and a doorknob turning]
Speech (to Anthony): One, two, three, and —
Anthony (rapping): God, take the lead so I could follow
Just so I could make it til tomorrow
Take the lead so I could follow
Just so I could make it til tomorrow
[Anthony stops rapping in frustration]
Anthony: Ahhhhh man, I can’t rap slow like that, man. I rap fast talking about money and drugs and stuff. It’s hard man. It actually irritates me.
Speech: Yeah.
Anthony: Cause I’m trying to change so much, man.
Speech: That’s good.
Anthony: Talking about this positivity is very hard to do.
Speech: Well see, brother —
Anthony: I could, if you put me on a freestyle, gimme a blunt and a bottle, I could just rip it.
Speech: Right.
Anthony: You know what I mean? But it’s gonna be about negative stuff. So this for me is hard and it’s embarrassing, ‘cause I’m chokin’ in front of you —
Speech: Don’t be embarrassed, brother. Don’t be embarrassed. This is, you’re doing, you’re doing this. This is the right, this is the path you said you were on and I agree. It’s right. And you’re putting it down on wax, so it — it’s supposed to take time.
And this is the same with anybody else. Future, Teddy, anybody. So it’s supposed to take time. It’s good. This is good. The process is right.
Anthony: If you’ve been playing with Legos all your life, how you gonna build a building?
Speech: Exactly.
Anthony: You know what I’m saying? I’m not an architect. So…
Speech: Right.
Anthony: It’s crazy…They can hear me out there?
Speech: Naw…I mean, maybe a little bit.
Anthony: Yeah.
[Anthony referring to someone outside the studio room] He just said, “Yeah.” So it’s wicked.
Speech: [Laughs heartily]
Anthony: It’s wicked.
Anthony: But yeah man, I’m tryin’ —
Speech: Naw, this is right! This is right! Anthony, it sounds good.
Anthony: [meekly] Alright.
—
[Sounds of Sarah pulling up a chair]
Sarah (to Anthony): Have a seat.
Speech [VO]: Sarah’s still trying to break through to Anthony.
Sarah: I just wanted to follow up on the conversation we had this morning. Why, Anthony, do you think you’re playing the victim role?
[Music: A slightly sinister, foreboding hip-hop tune with an angular guitar hook (“Step Down” by HATAMITSUNAMI)]
Speech: Sarah’s helping Anthony recognize a pattern: that he lashes out when he feels frustrated — and gives up when things don’t go the way he thought they would.
So Anthony can make all the music he wants to make, but… people won’t be able to get along with him if he doesn’t work on these seemingly small but destructive things that he does.
And that starts with figuring out why he does it in the first place.
[Music: Foreboding hip-hop tune ends]
Anthony: It’s just hard for me to take responsibility for my actions. Unless I’m forced to. And I’m so used to fighting. I’m so used to just fighting. So…
Sarah: Where has that gotten you, though?
Anthony: Nowhere.
Sarah: Look down. What are you wearing?
Anthony: Yeah…
Sarah: That’s where it’s gotten you.
Anthony: …in jail.
Sarah: So tell me, why do you think your reactions are [Sarah snaps her fingers] always like, instant bad?
Anthony: Because I never cared about, um, controlling ’em. Like once my life spiraled downhill, like my girl left me and took my kids with her, I didn’t care about anybody.
So I’m just learning how to care about myself, but I don’t even love myself yet.
Sarah: Mm-hmm.
Anthony: So I’m trying to work on loving myself, so that I can be able to love the people around me.
—
[Music: Instrumental layers from an early version of “Recidivism” — a winding, repetitive guitar hook, tight, clanging chords, and a bouncy bass line]
Speech: After speaking with his lawyer, Anthony has some surprising news.
Anthony (to Sarah): My lawyer came and seen me and told me that, um, the commonwealth said that my case is too complicated. They don’t feel like dealing with it.
And, um, they’ll be willing to gimme time served, and something called…
Speech: Basically, Anthony’s case might get thrown out, letting him get out of jail much earlier than anyone expected.
Anthony: …but I do need some help. I don’t have any housing, no nothing to fall back on. And I ain’t trying to be, um, another statistic —
Sarah: So tomorrow when you get out, if you…if you get out, if you can say, “This is what I wanna happen, to get me to where I need to be…”
What would your dream be?
Anthony: Be in the REAL house.
[Music: Suddenly halts]
Sarah: Why is that?
Anthony: Because I know that there’s gonna be people around me that want me to succeed.
[Music: Drumbeat from “Recidivism” returns, with a cello playing sharp, ascending notes]
Speech: The REAL house is transitional housing — part of the REAL program — but on the outside.
So there’s meetings, check-ins, and most importantly, other men to give support.
But the REAL house also comes with strict rules. And Anthony’s already been kicked out of the REAL program before for blowing off his responsibilities and being disrespectful to other members.
He hasn’t proved to Sarah that he can comply with these rules.
[Music: Drumbeat fades away]
Sarah: So why should I have faith and consider you coming to the REAL house?
Anthony: Ah, I don’t expect you to have faith in me. I did totally wrong. So…
Sarah: Why should I have faith that you’re not gonna lash out, when you’re out there?
Anthony: Because if you did have faith in me and I came in the REAL house, right? And I messed up and you kicked me out, then that’s that.
But if I went to the REAL house and I was successful and I changed my life around, how would you feel?
That’s all I can say.
Speech: The news about Anthony’s pending release is taking everybody by surprise, including Sarah.
And so, right now, she’s having to decide whether she’s going to be the one to put a roof over his head.
Sarah: …I’m willing to give you a shot.
Anthony: For real?
Sarah: Mm hmm.
Anthony: I really appreciate that. That’d be nice.
Sarah: But did you hear me? I didn’t — that wasn’t plural. That was singular. I said “a shot.” Not like you had in here.
And so if you go to that house, you will follow the rules, end of story.
And if not, it will kill me having to say, “Anthony, you gotta go.” And it would kill me knowing that you’re gonna be sleeping on the corner…
Anthony: Mm hmm.
Sarah: But business is business. And there are expectations. So you gotta get a, we’ll figure out the job situation. Usually you have to have a job in two weeks.
So, we will work that piece out. Once you get a job and get a paycheck, it’s $135 a week.
Anthony: Mm hmm.
Sarah: Okay. That’s how we pay for the house. You have 90 meetings in 90 days.
Speech: Anthony also has to put in ten hours of community service every week, random drug tests, and he’s gotta commit to this for six months.
Sarah: Can you do it?
Anthony: Yeah, I can do it.
Sarah: Look at me in the eye right now, making a commitment to me.
Anthony: I can definitely do it. I know that.
Sarah: Okay. I’m taking your word as a man, Anthony. Don’t let me down.
[Music: Instrumental layers from “Recidivism” — A shuffling, lively beat and bouncing bassline]
Speech: Given his lack of improvement in the REAL program, Anthony hasn’t really lowered his risk of being arrested and incarcerated again.
Sarah knows all of this. But she knows that letting him stay at the REAL house is probably the best chance that he’ll have.
[Music: Beat and bassline give way to a rising chorus of brass horns]
[Sounds of a door shutting]
Speech: Today, Anthony is being released.
He’ll be on parole, and he’ll have to check in regularly with law enforcement, to stay free.
Anthony: But when I woke up, I just prayed, but I didn’t pray for what I want. I didn’t pray for me to go home. I didn’t pray, ”God, please let me go home, I won’t do it again.”
I prayed, and I said, “God, let your will be done for me, please.”
Speech: But not long after, Anthony’s told there is an issue with paperwork.
[Sounds of a phone dial tone ringing]
Speech: Sarah gets on the phone, and tries to sort things out.
Sarah (on the phone): I just, um, talked to Anthony’s attorney and the previous P.R. bond…
Speech: There seems to be a hold up which may stop Anthony from getting out today.
Sarah (to Anthony): Okay. So I just talked to records, and the — come a little bit closer.
Anthony: Here we go.
Sarah: Um, no, don’t freak out. So — don’t worry, we’re gonna get it taken care of, all right! Positive attitude.
You asked for God’s will, right?
Speech: Anthony is getting frustrated.
Anthony: Sarah, I served my time. I took a plea. It’s not a bond.
Sarah: Listen. Hey. We’re not gonna get disrespectful.
Anthony: I’m not getting disrespectful. I’m just talking with my voice even.
Sarah: Yes, you are.
Anthony: I’m not.
Sarah: Yeah. But I just need you to work on your attitude.
Anthony: You don’t think I have a reason to be mad, though, Ms. Sarah?
That’s, that makes what…can, what I’m, can you hear what I’m saying?
I appreciate you working for me, but listen to what I’m saying.
That is not, that’s not correct.
Speech: Sarah signals for a time out.
Sarah: Why I am getting frustrated with you is… this is not Anthony’s world.
Situations are going to happen that you don’t like, and things are going to arise, right?
What, what’s the first part of the Serenity Prayer?
Anthony: “Grant me the serenity…”
Sarah: To do what?
“…accept the things I cannot change.”
You don’t have to like it, but you’re gonna have way more disappointment in life than the opposite. Right?
You’ve just gotta figure out how to stay calm and collected.
What did you say you got on your knees and prayed about?
Anthony: For God’s will to be done.
Sarah: Right. Okay. He’s done what you’ve asked. And his will is not for you to get out today.
[Sounds of keys jingling as a door opens]
Speech: But, when God doesn’t let you out one day, there’s always hope for the next.
[Sounds of footsteps down a hallway]
Speech: And three days later, Anthony is freed.
Anthony: When I came in, I was swagged out in the wintertime, you feel me? [Laughs]
Guard: All right. Sir, you’re going to stand on that wall over there for me.
Speech: As he goes through the release procedures, Anthony can barely contain himself.
Guard: All right, you ready?
[Sounds of beeps and footsteps]
Speech: First, he wants to get something to eat, then he wants to shower, then he needs some clothes. He wants to get his hair cut.
Guard: This the way out. Hopefully you won’t see it no more.
[Anthony and the guard joke and laugh with each other]
Speech: Anthony’s co-parent, the mother of his kids, doesn’t know that he’s getting released.
So he wants to get his situation settled, before he tells them, and he wants to get a job, so he can start supporting them.
[Sounds of crinkling plastic and clothes rustling]
Anthony: [In a faux British accent] That’ll do, mate! That’ll do! [Laughs]
Speech: He picks up his belongings. Now, he’s carrying everything that he came here with.
[Sounds of a door shutting]
Speech: And then he steps outside.
[Sounds of birds chirping as Anthony walks outside]
Anthony: Oh my God. Freedom. Freedom.
Speech: He bends down and he’s kissing the ground.
[Anthony kisses the ground]
Anthony: Home sweet home.
[Anthony spits]
Anthony: I don’t know. I know this freedom feels amazing, baby. Hoo!
I got some dirt up in my mouth for real. [Laughs]
Dirt up in my jump.
That’s all right, man, God is good, I can’t believe I’m free.
Can’t believe I’m free — which way we goin, Ms. Sarah?!
[Music: The final mix of “Recidivism” — an aggressive, foreboding hip-hop track — starts with a bang]
Anthony (rapping): I gotta give it to Him
I gotta give it to Him
I gotta give it to Him
I need to give it to Him
I need to give it to Him
so I’m gonna give it to Him.
It’s the truth, truth, truth, truth, truth
God take the lead so I can follow
just so I can make it to tomorrow
Take the lead so I can follow
just so I can make it to tomorrow
Yeah I’m from the dungeon
where things happen for no reason,
people getting high as ever and OD-ing
they overseeing their own demons,
and then they start crying when their lungs stop breathing
our minds bleeding
It’s time to get it right
we might leave this clip tonight
people start talking about God, that’s like our kryptonite
All we worried about is our girl
and if we did it right
if we tough enough,
if we gangsta enough to live this life
It’s time to change it though
switch and rearrange the flow
just because I’m stacking money,
don’t make me no gangster though.
So I’m about to switch it up
get up this box and buy a truck
but that ain’t coming from no luck, I gotta get some paper
and if I really want a truck, I gotta do some labor
and if I’m really going to change, I gotta love my neighbor
We gotta stop the hating
and stop the perpetrating
with all this purpose wasting
man, the Devil is just waiting
Yeah I’m talking about Satan
this ain’t no Christian rap, but if you do not like the truth
then you could give it back
Cuz I’m tired of seeing this
and I’m tired of being that
and I’m tired of being in the jungle living with the rats
In the ‘jects, I’m a vet
So it’s time to intercept with my life purpose
I know my kids and my wife worth it,
then the drugs and the pain worsens
then my lungs and my brains hurting
cause this thing’s lurking
God take the lead so I can follow
just so I can make it to tomorrow
Take the lead so I can follow
just so I can make it to tomorrow
I’m tired of recidivism
I’m tired of being in the system
I’m tired of recidivism
I’m tired of being in the system
I’m tired of recidivism
I’m tired of being in the system
Yeah
[Music: Instrumental of the final version of Recidivism ends]
—
Speech: On the next episode: Devonte.
[Music: “Broken Chains” — A bittersweet blend of hip-hop, R&B, and pop]
Devonte James (singing): I used to smoke and drink just to unwind
So many days and days they passed me by
It was to numb the pain like novocaine
But my problems only seem to circulate…
Speech: Devonte is a smart, sensitive, well-liked guy with a lot of potential. He’s about to get released and reunite with his family.
But that isn’t so simple, because for as long as Devonte can remember, his whole family has been tied up with drug use and crime.
Will he be able to shake off their legacy? And make his own way?
[Music: Broken Chains” ends with the strumming of an acoustic guitar]
—
[Music: Upbeat, high-energy hip-hop tune (“What” by Aldous Young)]
Speech: Track Change is made by Narratively and VPM, and distributed by the NPR network.
This season was produced by Liz Mak, James Boo, Nidhi Shastri, and Noah Rosenberg, with help from Sam Bathrick and Eric Michaels.
Fact check by Sara Herschander. Audio mix by Sound Sanctuary, and theme music by Garland Carr and Renzo Gorrio.
Special thanks to Anthony, for sharing part of his life with the world.
This podcast was originated by our Consulting Producer, Sammy Dane. Our Executive Producers are Noah Rosenberg, Joe Lamont, and me, Speech Thomas.
Our Producers from VPM are Meg Lindholm and Gavin Wright. VPM’s Chief Content Officer is Steve Humble.
This season is based on the documentary film 16 Bars. You can watch it at 16barsthefilm.com. And if you want to hear the complete song, Recidivism, then check out the show notes. We’re putting a link to the music there.
To learn more about the work that REAL is doing to help formerly incarcerated people stay free in Virginia, visit reallifeprogram.org.
See y’all next time.
[Music: Upbeat, high-energy hip-hop tune ends]
